You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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