I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
