I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
