remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
40s are totally the cure
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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