I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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