Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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