i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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