what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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