I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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