I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
