theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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