I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
