I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The uberlube is also flammable
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
