hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
