normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
zippers are such a cool invention
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
