don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
