At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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