I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
