your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
