If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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