If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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