her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
