I seem to have left my pride at pride
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
