pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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