Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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