I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
