There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
