God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
