My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
