I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
