Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
