you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
