My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Randomize
