Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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