I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
