Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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