I got chris browned last night
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Your dad touched me again.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
