hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
