I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
