Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
