I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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