Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
