wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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