So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
