what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
