On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
