Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
