I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
BRING THE BAGELS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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