guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
