i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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