I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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