im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
