So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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