I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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