Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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