Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
