Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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