Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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