just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
