three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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