Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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