He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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