im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
