Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
