xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just forgot I was standing up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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