Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
