Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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