somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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