Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
