I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
