How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
