Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
