Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
